“Creation Theory”
PoemsFirst it was me in the mother-and-father universe—I emerged precariously as an unstable elementIn the province of fire and water.I came out fighting. I was not a princess.I should have been a boy.I was earth grasping for air.No one in this universe fit precisely anywhere.And then you, my brother, arrived eighteen monthsAfterward, on a winter day,Along with my mother who had disappearedTo bring me back a gift.It was you, a baby who was already an old manWho even before kindergarten would searchThe house for cigarette butts to smoke,Empties to glean the last drops of liquid high.In the myth of us, you were the warrior-usurper,Earth boy come in to claim territory,To inherit the kingdom of mother and father.I was the protector of my homeland.I bit your thigh and made a mark, and becauseI was an honorable competitor we made a pactTo stand by each other, no matter the weatherAs our freshly inhabited parental planetTurned and turned, and the world of usDisintegrated and broke.We were never able to put it back together.You were a rambunctious cowboy driving semis, circlingThe country, always looking for our father, whose friends called him Chief—He was lost in the embrace of sirens in an underworld bar somewhere far.I was Indian, fighting for our sovereign rights and becomingA poet; still, it was you and me, no matter our orbitsWhich rarely met. I was always escaping danger, and you were part of my looking back.We ran and ran, but no one can outrun the story.And yet, I am standing here beside you and you are not here.The memory of you laughs, tells your rodeo tales of tripsAnd girls, and there are always cars to buy and sell.I’m still figuring out how to keep you alive.That’s why I’m here, in these words, grabbing your arm.I saved your life twice. Once on earth. Once in water.The third time, I reached for you, but you disappeared.When I lean back into those years when our father fathered,And our mother mothered, we go running out into the yardAnd there’s a universe there.No one will ever hurt us.No one will ever leave.
First it was me in the mother-and-father universe—
I emerged precariously as an unstable element
In the province of fire and water.
I came out fighting. I was not a princess.
I should have been a boy.
I was earth grasping for air.
No one in this universe fit precisely anywhere.
And then you, my brother, arrived eighteen months
Afterward, on a winter day,
Along with my mother who had disappeared
To bring me back a gift.
It was you, a baby who was already an old man
Who even before kindergarten would search
The house for cigarette butts to smoke,
Empties to glean the last drops of liquid high.
In the myth of us, you were the warrior-usurper,
Earth boy come in to claim territory,
To inherit the kingdom of mother and father.
I was the protector of my homeland.
I bit your thigh and made a mark, and because
I was an honorable competitor we made a pact
To stand by each other, no matter the weather
As our freshly inhabited parental planet
Turned and turned, and the world of us
Disintegrated and broke.
We were never able to put it back together.
You were a rambunctious cowboy driving semis, circling
The country, always looking for our father, whose friends called him Chief—
He was lost in the embrace of sirens in an underworld bar somewhere far.
I was Indian, fighting for our sovereign rights and becoming
A poet; still, it was you and me, no matter our orbits
Which rarely met. I was always escaping danger, and you were part of my looking back.
We ran and ran, but no one can outrun the story.
And yet, I am standing here beside you and you are not here.
The memory of you laughs, tells your rodeo tales of trips
And girls, and there are always cars to buy and sell.
I’m still figuring out how to keep you alive.
That’s why I’m here, in these words, grabbing your arm.
I saved your life twice. Once on earth. Once in water.
The third time, I reached for you, but you disappeared.
When I lean back into those years when our father fathered,
And our mother mothered, we go running out into the yard
And there’s a universe there.
No one will ever hurt us.
No one will ever leave.
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