Influencer Karissa Collins may not have envisioned her life with 11 children for herself, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“My younger self didn’t want children and didn’t want motherhood,” Collins, 41, wrote via Instagram on Friday, August 22. “God changed my heart and opened [my] eyes. And not just to what I could handle but to what He could cultivate and prosper through little old me. It’s life changing. Not just for me and my husband but for the lives we have allowed God to give.”

Collins explained that she talks “about this so much” because she wishes “someone would’ve told me God’s heart on family size before I got married.”

“I wish I saw fruitful and faithful families growing up,” she shared. “I wish I knew the truth about the Bible and about the blessing of children. I wish I would’ve understood provision. No one talks about it. We just do what’s right in our own eyes and our own ability but ultimately God wants dominion. He wants your surrender. He wants your fears and failures. And he turns them into a beautiful garden.”

She concluded, “I never wanted this life. I never wanted what I didn’t understand. But man oh man…this is so nice! A life with no regrets written by God himself.”

In the clip, Karissa posed with her and husband Mandrae Collins11 children in front of their home. “Me to my younger self that didn’t want kids …” she wrote over the video, while lip-synching lyrics from Taylor Swift’s track “I Forgot That You Existed.”

Everything Influencer Karissa Collins Has Said About Raising a Big Family

One month before the post, Karissa shared that she and Mandrae were expecting another baby. Days later, Karissa announced that she miscarried and planned to let the fetal tissue pass naturally. She previously suffered three pregnancy losses.

Influencer Karissa Collins ‘Never Wanted’ Her ‘Life’ With 11 Children, But Says It’s ‘So Nice’
Courtesy of Karissa Collins/Instagram

After sharing her miscarriage, Karissa sparked backlash when she shared a video of her kids hitting her stomach. Karissa noted that she’s not a fan of “controversy” and did not post the video for followers.

“I apologize. When I posted that video, what was on other people’s minds was not on my mind at all,” she said in a TikTok video at the time. “I never thought of it that way. It was a cute moment with me and my children. I didn’t think anyone would even watch it.”